During my many ploddings around Beirut, I have developed an acute, burning hatred of those cars that so enamour the Americans (and it seems, the Lebanese): HUMMERS.
There are an obscene amount of these ostentatious, macho cars here, and they tear down streets far too small for them at alarming speed. To be honest, most people here drive as if they own the road, but HUMMERS are something else. You have a collision with one of these, and you are guaranteed instant death.
One has to wonder why people are attracted to HUMMERS in the first place. They are big, shapeless and ugly. They are probably the most difficult car to manoever around Beirut's numerous road blocks, double-parked cars, army tanks and narrow roads. Everytime I pass a HUMMER, I debate whether to launch a guerrilla hate-campaign against them, smacking onto every car unfortunate enough to cross my path a sticker saying things like "Ask me how my car saves the environment!", "I took out 8 loans just to pay for the soundsystem", "I drive this huge thing because I have a small penis", and so on. Alternatively, I could just scratch the hell out of the paint with my keys. But I don't wish to get too close to a HUMMER, for fear of somebody mistaking it for mine, or of some bored young soldier appearing and accusing me of planting a car bomb...
There are an obscene amount of these ostentatious, macho cars here, and they tear down streets far too small for them at alarming speed. To be honest, most people here drive as if they own the road, but HUMMERS are something else. You have a collision with one of these, and you are guaranteed instant death.
One has to wonder why people are attracted to HUMMERS in the first place. They are big, shapeless and ugly. They are probably the most difficult car to manoever around Beirut's numerous road blocks, double-parked cars, army tanks and narrow roads. Everytime I pass a HUMMER, I debate whether to launch a guerrilla hate-campaign against them, smacking onto every car unfortunate enough to cross my path a sticker saying things like "Ask me how my car saves the environment!", "I took out 8 loans just to pay for the soundsystem", "I drive this huge thing because I have a small penis", and so on. Alternatively, I could just scratch the hell out of the paint with my keys. But I don't wish to get too close to a HUMMER, for fear of somebody mistaking it for mine, or of some bored young soldier appearing and accusing me of planting a car bomb...
The people who drive HUMMERS are worse than their stupid cars. Putting aside the fact that they cost over a minimum of $90,000, the owner, usually men, are always looking to see if people are checking them and their ride out. If you need a HUMMER owner testimonial:
"WE CRITICIZE WHAT WE CANNOT AFFORD! I own a MASSIVE Hummer h2, jacked up, HUGE TOYO TIRES, and it really pigs the gas, 7 miles to the gallon!! But it is my gas and my hard earned money that pays for the gas not yours! Just because of this stupid website, I will now fill my Hummer H2 with gas, hit the road, and WASTE a full tank of gas, no make it 2 full tanks, just to piss off you looser Libs that simply cannot afford what I drive the best auto on the road! Oh yeah, almost forgot.. I am buying my wife a new $85,000 custom H2, and we will both such up and waste as mush gas as we can, just because you don’t like it! Suck on that looser libs"
Notice his use of intelligent arguing.
Something about the US tv ad for HUMMERS makes me think the appeal of HUMMERS is linked to its so-called link to masculinity. A small guy is picked on by a bunch of big, strong men in the. The little man, at a loss to find a way to prove his worth, goes out and buys a HUMMER. Little man returns to show big guys his ride. They all pale when they see little man owns a H2. Now the little guy doesn't get picked on anymore. No wonder so many of the HUMMER owners I have managed to give evils to are men, and invariably short, fat, ugly and generally uncool. Even the way HUMMER is presented on paper is macho- CAPITAL letters, which are essentially the written equivalent to shouting, dominating, over-powering. Anyone who needs such a big fat energy inefficient car to feel better about themselves doesn't give me much hope in humanity. Owning a HUMMER in a country with no government, sectarian militias and terrifying poverty somehow makes these men feel sexy, self-important and superior. If you rounded up all the HUMMERS in Lebanon and used the money it cost to buy them on re-housing families displaced by war, you'd probably help a lot of families out. I would think that would feel alot better than te leather interior of a skanky H2. Ugh, HUMMERS and HUMMER owners suck.
Which leads me to the conclusion: only selfish, self-absorbed moron's drive HUMMERS. Incidentally, I have stumbled across a few hummer hating websites, i hate hummer and fuck you and your H2, . Racking my brains, I really can't think of any other car or product that , uhh, revs peoples engines so much (that wasn't very good, I know). Go forth, good HUMMER hating folk of Lebanon, eradicate this eye sore from the Levant!
Which leads me to the conclusion: only selfish, self-absorbed moron's drive HUMMERS. Incidentally, I have stumbled across a few hummer hating websites, i hate hummer and fuck you and your H2, . Racking my brains, I really can't think of any other car or product that , uhh, revs peoples engines so much (that wasn't very good, I know). Go forth, good HUMMER hating folk of Lebanon, eradicate this eye sore from the Levant!
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